AUGUST 2007 BLOG ARCHIVE

For current and ongoing blog entries: http://www.thrillfactory.com/

AUGUST 31, 2007

You ever have a really good cry?

I just finished one. The Baby Annamae was relaxing in her swing. I decided to go and watch her for a while, just sit there and watch her going back and forth. It was a quiet moment, with a very melancholy arrangement of "Rockabye Baby" issuing from the little music maker on her swing. And as she swung, we locked eyes, unblinking, for a long time. Then, eventually, her eyelids got too heavy, and she drifted easily into a nap.

And I just lost it.

Annemarie and I have discussed and desired a family literally since before Day One. One of the things that brought us together was that we each thought the other would make a brilliant parent, and said so. The turbulent and uncertain years that followed were a challenge to that early ideal. From the rapid loss of ability due to MS, to the various treatments that threatened virility, to a pregnancy that tested Annemarie's fortitude right until the very last minute -- it seemed Mother Nature and Father Time were out to make us earn it.

Quite frankly, my initial vision of three or more kids took a big hit once I was diagnosed. Under these constantly revising circumstances, I figured even one child would be a stretch. And several times I fought a severe case of cold feet about even the one. Want a frame of reference? Try strapping splints to your legs, tie some twenty pound bags of sand to your feet and wrists, and don't sleep for 72 hours. Now... plan a family! That's what it felt like to face the spectre of inevitable parenthood with my particular version of MS.

What got me through the many rough spots was Annemarie -- not just with her strength and support, but also her unwavering optimism about our combined ability to make the family we dreamed for a reality. By the time I saw the first ultrasounds of Annamae, I would have done anything to ensure her safe entrance into this world and my wife's arms, MS be damned.

Now here I am -- with further loss of ability a virtual certainty, with big plans in the works regarding both mine and Annemarie's careers, with a geographical move of many miles right around the corner -- and I have to complicate it all even more by deciding that I want another child as soon as Annemarie and I can realistically make one. Damn you, crying jag!

Actually, I should blame Annamae. If she was a colicky little shit, I'd be all set. But she had to go and be, well... Annamae.

The thing is, I've sort of already forgotten what it felt like to cradle her when she was small enough to hold in one hand. Could it be that my desire to have another is just a half-assed attempt to relive a fleeting high point one more time? I suppose that's at least partly true. But I've learned in the last six months that the initial assessments Annemarie and I made about each other's parental fitness were right on target. She's a natural, and I'm pretty swell at it, too. And when you've got a knack for something, you want to do lots more of it.

Now we've just got to get the timing right... and I've got to wrestle with the central paradox of this situation: If I'm such a great dad, how come I want to reward Annamae's sweetness with, of all things, a sibling?

She'd be better off with a chest rash.

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AUGUST 26, 2007

Just a heads up that a further refinement to the site has been launched today. My continuing objective is to make the right hand side of the page content-rich but low-maintenance. I want to give you plenty to do and read while you're visiting the Factory, but I don't want to spend a lot of valuable free time updating stuff.

Fortunately, JavaScript exists. Using it, I can post the top 10 new items from BuzzFlash, AlterNet, Media Matters, The Nation and Democracy Now, and have those items automatically update whenever the host sites do. Quite frankly, I've been looking for a "one stop shop" resource for the latest news and analysis from these sources for a while -- and finally I just had to make it myself.

Now all you have to do is hit Thrill Factory with your morning coffee, and skim down the right column to find out what's actually happening in your world and your country -- and also the stuff the mainstream media would rather you didn't think about that day.

This is still a work in progress, and I am still optimizing things. If you notice a drag in your load time on the page, let me know.

Huzzah!

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AUGUST 25, 2007

Annemarie and I have been talking a lot lately about friends. A number of things have occured in the last week or so that have touched chords in both of us.

1) Annemarie spent an afternoon last week with one of her best friends in the whole world. See Annemarie's MySpace Blog for more details.

2) I discovered some YouTube videos made by a friend with whom I had parted company somewhat amicably about seven years ago. I watched the videos -- and they made me miss him. Annemarie suggested I reach out. I'm considering it, although there are complications in doing so that I'll address here some other time.

3) Annemarie bumped into another person, a close and trusted friend for nearly a decade who distanced herself without explanation and has been an enigma for a few years now.

4) I got a MySpace message from a fellow I haven't seen since probably 1986. I responded immediately and hope to keep the dialogue going. He was a solid chap, although not necessarily someone I was very close with. Maybe that'll change.

5) I saw a photograph online of someone I considered a brother from another mother, easily one of the two or three best friends I've ever had. He still resides in Southern California, and efforts to maintain the friendship since my moving to Boston in 2002 have utterly failed. He doesn't respond to my e-mails anymore, and I have no idea why (see item #3 above).

6) Since announcing our impending trip to Las Vegas, all our remaining close friends in Los Angeles -- as well as my brother and his wife in Burbank -- have confirmed that they WILL be making the 500-mile journey across Death Valley to see us. This is extremely gratifying and significant, as it:

a] reinforces the value I place on strong personal friendships (despite the examples cited above)

b] bodes well for the return to Los Angeles that Annemarie and I have planned for Q1 2009

c] cements in my mind the total absence in value of my biological family in New Jersey, who, despite being only an afternoon's drive away, have made virtually no effort to maintain a relationship with me

So. Friends. I suppose as I prepare to enter my fifth decade on Earth, the time has come to clarify, classify and quantify the many lives that have intersected with my own, and see what the math reveals. I love the friends I've got. With very few exceptions, I regret those that I have let slip away (or which I pushed away).

If you hit this site, and are a friend (or former friend) who hasn't dropped me a line in a while, what's stopping you? Don't make me come after you.

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COMMENT SENT 8/26/07 3:43AM by "jerman":

[ ABRIDGED FOR RELEVANCE ]

On 8/24/07, you mention that the site has been racking up a significant amount of hits and are asking readers, "just who are you?" Well, I guess some of those hits would be attributed to me. I like to see what you are up to and how the family is making out. By the way, Annamae is beautiful and I can't wait to meet her someday. You've come a long way... dad. Keep me posted on your Vegas trip. If I am not tied into a film/tv shoot, I would like to try seeing you while you are so close. If we end up missing each other, I'll try to make it up to Boston on my Christmas vacation. Joe. P.S: "Walks with Skillets enters the room. He is holding a skillet."

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AUGUST 24, 2007

Just a quick reminder to all Thrill Factory readers that Real Time with Bill Maher returns for a new season on HBO, tonight at 11pm ET/PT. This week, Bill welcomes actor Tim Robbins, journalist Michel Martin, writer Stephen Hayes, presidential candidate fmr. Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-AR) and reporter Damien Cave.

On the subject of "Thrill Factory readers"... just who are you?

This site routinely racks up 250-350 hits a day -- and I'm super happy about that, of course -- but it sure would be nice to know who's checking in. Only about 20 people actually subscribe to the e-mail blog/update alerts. Join their ranks!

What brings you to the site? The Baby Annamae? The film and pop culture stuff? Politics? MS? Just wanna know what's happening?

Whatever your reason, let me know. I want to hear from you.

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AUGUST 19, 2007

Finally got around to uploading some clips from the Police concert at Fenway Park on June 29th. A great time was had by all, and I'm very happy to have seen the band live after wishing for the chance since 1983. They sounded great (especially Stewart), although I thought the show was a bit short (under 2 hrs) and lacking in spectacle. Oh, well. Anyway, here's the legendary Hernan chilling to the "Synchronicity II". And pardon the shaky camera work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUtidEz4JjA

This next clip features a fellow whose job it is to interpret the lyrics and the mood of the songs, so the hearing-impaired can experience the show. I don't know if he is actually part of the band's team (probably, since he also did this for the opening act), but this has got to be one of the coolest jobs in the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stXjV606Zbk

Thanks to all staff who made it a really awesome experience for the disabled fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxYQKiUE6EE

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AUGUST 17, 2007

Ah, now this is a Friday night! Just me and my daughter, hanging out, watching Diego on NickKids, reading some comic books from the early 1940s, and sipping coffee (or, in her case, mother's milk).

Speaking of Mom, she had her cards done this afternoon, and apparently the reader was right on, lots of positive vibes around our plans for the near future, her career, and my creative prospects. Of course, I put absolutely no stock in such things, but it sure is fun.

Speaking of superstition and willful submission to outlandish theories about the universe, I've added a new spotlight link today for my spiritual guru, Richard Dawkins. While he is often positioned in the media as a militant atheist and a dangerous iconoclast, in reality he is simply a champion of REASON, for which there is no room in any religion.

Annemarie and I rejected our Roman Catholic heritage a couple of years ago, mostly due to our positions on social issues being in direct contradiction to the Vatican. Since then, she has been open to connecting with an alternative spiritual doctrine, if for no other reason than to have one.

I, on the other hand, struggled to make the contradictory fragments of my own spirituality coalesce into a Theory of the Universe that actually could hold water. I believe in what Jesus Christ stood for, as represented in scripture -- meek shall inherit the earth, do unto others, what you do for the least of my brothers you do for me, etc. Nothing wrong with that as long as it's kept where it belongs: as a moral template.

But I couldn't help shaking the suspicion that religion for any other purpose was a hollow enterprise, a fabrication of the fearful. It was at this point that I discovered a television program -- produced and broadcast in the UK (where all good TV comes from) -- called Root of All Evil?. And that was my introduction to Richard Dawkins and his mighty book "The God Delusion".

Finally, here it was: my view of the Universe in print, persuasively argued, exhaustively researched, relentless in it's pure reason and watertight logic. I would never be the same. Ironically, I was born again. Can you dig it?

Now where does that leave Annamae? Her father is an atheist. Her mother is an expatriate Catholic Girl hoping to recapture the awe, wonder and community of a church -- any church.

Interesting...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v3RWRyNq3

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AUGUST 16, 2007

UPDATE: Very pleased to point you in the direction of Duran Duran's latest track, "Night Runner". Kick it!

After numerous delays, the new ThrillFactory.com is launched!

Annamae has kept both Annemarie and I very busy, very amused and very proud. Since her arrival, I have been considering the notion of diving into the blogosphere and sharing what's in my heart and my head with the online community... but the truth is that for all my egotistical self-absorption and shameless pontificating, I'm simply not much of a diarist.

Maybe I'm one of those folks whose worldview is best expressed through other media. Or maybe talking to Comcast customers all day at work simply uses up all my will to communicate. Either way, it's high time I got over the hump and got into this thing.

There are a number of issues I will be addressing, some very serious and painful, others frivolous. Family, inner satisfaction, disease, politics, sex, pop culture, you. All fair game.

So here goes. Been putting the site together all day, so I'm gonna hit the hay for now, but I'll be back. For now, here's this.

"Human Torch" #2, Fall 1940